Double Dipstick Recession

Double secret probation. We never left the last recession (does anyone with any critical thought really think so?). According to the punditry the last recession ended 2 weeks ago when Ben Pancke (duchebag) said so. Hmm ok, and Chicago is hosting the next Olympics, and a flying monkey just flew out of my ass. Sorry I didn’t get the memo that we were in a boom economy from March to Oct 1 (what a coincidence the same time the DOW rallied). Just because the stock market is up 50+%, thanks to incredible market manipulation (that’s for another article), doesn’t mean the economy is in tact or mean beans for the guy in the unemployment line. Now unemployment is 9.8% which is at a 27 year high (this is reported unemployment that doesn’t include people no longer eligible for unemployment checks or the vast number of people still looking for a job). Clearly the reported employment number grossly understates the real number of those unemployed. The unemployment number is far higher than 9.8%. Wow government data that is manipulated caca, who’d have thunk it?

The worst unemployment in 27 years and the recession is over? I think another flying monkey flew just out of my ass again. Who are they kidding? So now coincidentally (uh huh) as the DOW is rolling over the old threats return: bail us out and give us more money or else we will re-enter the recession (aka 'double dip' when we never left in the first place)! You know the recession that ended 2 weeks ago. The threat is when the government money truck stops backing up, the economy can’t subsist on its own and will deteriorate. This is yet another threat to keep the government stimulus stimulating. They are already preparing for the next round of bailouts and stimulus and everyone has their hand out (General Motors, Wall Street banks anyone?). And who doesn’t like getting stimulated? I know I do and do so at least once per day.

The implications of this are dramatic. The Government’s absolute refusal to allow a free market economy guarantees that the financial disasters we experienced will return (making matters worse). In addition, the same corrupt fools who broke the rules and got us into this mess are being rewarded and still in charge. Oh that is except for Bank of America's Ken Lewis (duchebag) who gets $125 million and a gold watch (and probably a steak dinner) for leaving the helm of BofA (BAC). I’m so glad he paid $50 Billion for Merrill Lynch who lost $15 Billion in the 4th qtr. last year alone! Wow, do the math: at that rate in a year they could lose $60 Billion. Too bad it wasn’t the other way around. Pay $50 Billion for an entity that loses 30% of what you paid in 3 months time. Merrill Lynch loses money faster than Michael Phelps swims. What an astute purchase. Then there was Lewis’ genius move buying Countrywide for what was it? 4.1Billion. Lewis severely overpaid (shareholder’s money) for both these virtual companies. Lewis should have consulted with one of his better BofA traders who (if he were a good Trader) could have told him: “wait Kenny, don’t be a stupid jackass moron! Why on earth would you buy Merrill Lynch for $29 per share when the stock is trading at under $12? Merrill is going down the toilet, the stock is a total POS (trader speak for piece of $hit) turd burglar. Kenny don’t be a duchebag, wait until Merrill goes to $2 per share and then buy the joint for $5. I’m the trader Kenny, this is the way it will play out.” Honestly, I Nick Shrimpton saw this so no one at Bank of America (BAC) did? Or Ken Lewis could have consulted with (at a lunch meeting at Applebee’s) any grandma who’s a regular at the swap meets who would have said “Kenny, don’t be a jackass moron! This is junk you are buying (Merrill and Countrywide), just like the crap junk I buy on eBay and at the swap meet; you can haggle with these fools! Stop being a duchebag Kenny! Come back next Sunday when the price is lower. I do this all the time at the swap meet and end up negotiating and always getting a better price, you can to. I’m an old grandma who doesn’t know much about stocks, but I know garage sales. If the price is $11.70 per share why not wait and come back when the price is at $5 and buy it.”

$125 Million for such a blunder? And where is this money coming from? BofA is BK, they have no money. This is TARP and shareholder money. If a small businessperson made a screw up in their business they would not be so fortunate. Why should Lewis get so much cheddar? He has been paid sufficiently well already. As of April 30th 2008 he made $165 Million for the prior 5 years service ($33 million per year aint too shabby). I think he extracted enough money from the shareholders and now taxpayers.

Kenny should have had the lunch meeting at Applebee’s.